Monday, August 10, 2015

Doubts and Fears

I awoke this morning at 4 AM, home again for the first night since leaving for Southeast Asia two weeks ago. As my eyes popped open I felt the familiar call from the Lord to come away for time alone with him before dawn. After a short praise time under the stars I’m back in my Hermitage. It’s so very good to be back in my private prayer closet after my sojourn into the darkness of unreached lands.

I confess to the Lord that I’ve been plagued with doubts about the effectiveness of our PrayerReach trip for the past few days. What good did we do? Why didn’t we just stay home? Why didn’t we do something while we were there?

After more prayer and praise at the foot of the cross I begin praying my daily Psalms amid these doubts and fears. The Spirit speaks as I read Psalm 33:6,
The heavens were made by the word of the Lord,
and all the stars, by the breath of his mouth.

“Do you believe this?” I hear the Spirit ask.

Yes, Lord I believe.

Can you explain how I did this?

No, Lord, my mind is too limited to grasp how this is possible. I cannot fathom how all this energy and matter can come from the word of your mouth… but I do believe.

The Spirit then asked into my heart, “Do you believe I called you and saved you that July night back in 1978?”

Yes, Lord, I believe that you, in your mercy, spoke my name and called me to yourself.

Can you explain this?

No, Lord, I cannot explain what you did but I know, beyond doubt, that everything changed for me on that night. And I believe it was through the prayers of my mother-in-law and my mother, the ladies in my wife’s church, and many that I will never know that you chose me. It was their prayers that effected my salvation. And yet even more incomprehensible to me is why? Why would you, the creator and sustainer of the universe, stoop down and touch me the worst of sinners.

The Spirit comes back with one more question, “If you can believe these incomprehensible things why do you doubt that I called you to pray for and among the nations and that your prayers are a pleasing offering on behalf of the unreached?”

I answer, as did the distraught father in Mark 9:24,
I do believe! Help my unbelief.

Peace fills my soul as I know our PrayerReach team went in obedience to God’s call and I rest in the confidence that the results are up to God.

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